Our life is a story. And we are the creators of that story. Now, it’s time for a new chapter in mine. After nearly two magical years in Koh Phangan, I’m leaving Thailand and heading to Europe—a continent I’ve never explored. This move feels different, as it’s the longest I’ve stayed in one place since 2018.
A Life Defined by Movement
I left my hometown at 17 to find Home. I knew from 3 years old that where I was born wasn’t my place. When I was 16, I went to a community college and met my Sociology professor. It was then that I had the confirmation that I would be leaving and never returning. She told me, “You’re meant to be out in the world, Jessica. You’re too big for this place.”
Since then, I’ve lived in 13 different locations, across 5 countries, and never stayed in one house for more than 18 months. My parents used to renovate houses as a hobby and so even when I lived in the same towns growing up, I moved houses a lot. I am actually really grateful for this life experience because it instilled in me adaptability and a fondness of change.
The Koh Phangan Chapter
As you can see, I am no stranger to moving. Yet, this particular move is bittersweet. Spending nearly two years here has given me the chance to really ground and build extraordinarily deep relationships. When I arrived in March of 23’ I immediately felt Home. In fact, I thought this place was going to be my official forever home base.
It had everything to offer that aligned with my deepest values. Ocean, greenery, internationally diverse demographics, a psychedelic party scene, a spiritual/conscious community, international cuisine, tropical weather, and a relaxed and slow pace life away from the grind and hustle culture.
I always say, “This place has given me everything.” I’ve learned SO much! I came here married, with a certain narrative about who I was and where I was going in life and my experience here changed it all. Especially in terms of my relationships; relationship to self, to my (ex)husband, to humanity, to community, to sisterhood.
I’ve been able to experience the most profoundly deep, nourishing, intimate, and expansive relationships of my life here. Relationships that will never end. The people I have connected with here will be in my life forever, even as I leave this place and continue my journey around the world.
I had one of the most life changing moments here, high on LSD at one of the most magical parties on earth when I for the first time in my life, felt what it felt like to fully surrender everything and just BE. It was literally that moment that changed everything. It’s what made the decision to leave my marriage, to vow that never again in my life would I self-sacrifice or compromise in love or for work or for anything. It showed me the possibility and the feeling of being in my feminine energy and power and that I could let go of control and be ok. It unified me with everything in existence.
I could seriously write an entire book on my experiences here on this island! It’s hard not to want to share every little detail with you.
Unexpected Turn
To follow that life changing moment, 3 months later I moved out of Cam’s house and unexpectedly ended up kissing my best friend at the time, who I’ve now been with since that week. To be radically honest, I never believed that there was ever one person out there who could meet all of your needs and match you on every level. I literally did not think it was humanly possible until I kissed Tom. (That is another entire book I could write)
Lessons and Letting Go
Fast forward through the entire year of 2024 where I started two new businesses that also taught me SO much, continued to deepen my strongest relationships and let go of ALL the shit that isn’t serving this new version of me. It was the most blissful year of my life up until September when an unexpected change happened again.
Tom and I were running our aesthetics businesses out of our lovely home, but the truth is that it is not allowed for foreigners to work in that field and we got shut down. Of course that risk was always there, but 90% of the foreigners on this island are doing things that aren’t allowed, it’s what draws so many people here, the ability to be free as long as you aren’t harming anyone, and of course everyone thinks these loopholes won’t end, but it did for us.
This ended up being a blessing in disguise because it forced me to see that no matter what, it is never ideal to become complacent, dependent or attached to ANYTHING. I recognized that this was an opportunity to see a bigger picture, to zoom out again and see what possibilities lay ahead.
Pay It Forward
Many times I was thinking about all the ways I wanted to “pay back” the island and community, how I would build more businesses, make more money and use my resources to change the waste management here, the infrastructure, the schools. However, a week after it happened it became clear that I was not meant to pay it back, but rather pay it forward somewhere else in the world. I’m meant to take everything I learned here and spread my wings, to go out into the world and keep spreading the web of love, joy, gratitude, and unity!
Run Towards, Not Away
This is getting so long, and if you’re still reading, thank you, I appreciate you. I feel abundant gratitude for everything I’ve experienced here and I want to share it all because I hope to inspire you to go out there in the world, explore, experiment, experience. If you don’t feel good where you’re at, go somewhere else. Really. Of course if you’re running away from internal stuff, it will follow you wherever you go, but I truly believe there are certain environments that are more supportive to doing the inner work.
This place allowed me to uncover, process, and release some super deep shit. I wasn’t running away from this stuff, in fact I was always trying to uncover it, but not everywhere I went gave me the opportunity through experiences and relationships to go as deep as I have been able to here.
Time For A New Chapter in Europe
I’m excited for what’s to come in Europe. To see what this next chapter entails. I feel so open to receive whatever comes. I’m so much more comfortable with the art of surrender (although still so much work to be done around that.) I think Europe has so much to offer that aligns with my values too, and I look forward to how it will influence my growth and evolution.
Well, I think it’s time to wrap this up for now. Thanks again for reading. I’d like to remind you that you are the creator of your story. Is it time for a new chapter for you? Maybe it isn’t the chapter of changing locations, but could it be a new chapter of more experimentation, more experiencing, and more expansion? Maybe just more presence, more joy, more gratitude.
