Life is crazy and beautiful, uncertain and unpredictable. I am currently navigating the whirlwind of life. If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you probably know that I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs lately—experiencing the full range of emotions on the surface, yet thankfully still remaining in a state of joy underneath it all.
A Sudden Shift in Plans
I’ve shared in some of my emails that in September last year, my boyfriend and I got our businesses shut down here in Thailand. That was when my world got turned upside down. I thought Koh Phangan was my forever place, but that incident made me realize that there’s a big world out there, and many places I haven’t experienced yet.
Bringing it to the present week, we were supposed to leave on Saturday. And when I say we were supposed to, what I really mean is that I decided that was the day we were leaving. Now, I have seen what I did and I can see clearly how this was a perfect lesson.
The Illusion of Control
Truthfully, I don’t like authority, and I have always rebelled against it. I’ve always had this attitude that nobody can tell me what I can or can’t do—not even the law. So when our businesses got shut down and we were told that we would be waiting months for court, I obviously became really uncomfortable.
In order to cope with that discomfort, I did what I do best—I tried to take back control. In quite an unconscious way, I made up a whole narrative in my mind. That in February we would leave the island no matter what. I mean—granted, we were originally told court would happen in 2-3 months—I thought for sure by February we would leave.
Reality Hits Hard
Well, those 2-3 months passed and we had no information (legalities are very frustrating here). I still kept replaying in my mind that we were leaving February 1st when our lease technically ran out. January came around, and I started selling our stuff and preparing to leave the island on February 1st.
Here’s the thing: Nothing besides my own mind pointed to us being able to leave on this date. Nothing.
Yet I was holding so tightly to this story because it gave me the illusion that I had some sort of control.
Just this week, two things happened that were completely out of my control. My computer got hacked, and we were told by the lawyer that there was no way we were leaving on the 1st.
A Moment of Breakdown
I lost it! I was so angry, frustrated, impatient, disheartened, sad and I wanted to scream. I went into a negative spiral and started getting angry at little things—being annoyed with the weather, traffic, people—everything.
I was literally choosing to feel “bad” and see everything in a negative darkness. My life here is amazing! I live on a paradise island with the most incredible partner and the best community. I am living the dream. But because I made up this story in my mind in order to “take control,” I set myself up for misery. Because we all know, life is out of our control—it’s uncertain and unpredictable.
Shifting Perspective
The only thing we truly have control over is our attitude, our perspective, the lens through which we see the world, and how we choose to feel about different circumstances.
Having this realization was a game changer for me. Through the reflections of my relationships, I saw that I was choosing a dark lens. I was focusing on what I didn’t have instead of what I did have.
I kept saying, “I want to get on with my life.” Hello!! I am living. Life is happening right now. I was putting my life on hold, disconnecting myself from the present moment, from the beauty of the now.
With the help of Tom’s words, “You set yourself free when you can truly accept that you have no control.”
Navigating the Whirlwind
Today, I woke up feeling so much lighter. I see so clearly that I was responsible for my own suffering. I tried to “be in control” of a situation that is completely out of my control. I created an illusory story in my mind that gave me temporary comfort but, in the end, caused so much suffering!
The lesson I received from all of this is to truly understand that life is uncertain and unpredictable. The more we can accept this truth—like really accept it deep in our bodies—the more liberated we become!
Life is crazy and beautiful but unpredictable and uncertain nonetheless. Navigating the whirlwind may not always feel easy or enjoyable, but it’s necessary to learn how to sail, how to ride the waves, how to stay grounded in times of turmoil.
What About You?
What tools, practices, or even words of wisdom do you turn to when you’re navigating the whirlwind of life?
